Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The People Under the Stairs (1991)

I have been deeply afraid of The People Under the Stairs since my childhood. When I say that, I mean I was literally afraid of the title. See, we had these basement stairs that were sort of ladder-like in that you could see right through to this dark pile of rubble behind them. Just the concept of "people under the stairs" was completely terrifying. Many times I bolted up those steps at night, imagining pale zombie-like hands reaching through and grabbing my ankles if I was just a second too slow.

Yesterday I actually saw the movie for the first time. It's an early '90s Wes Craven film and is pretty well-known, so I'm sure many of you realize how I felt in finally seeing that the movie is much more funny than it is scary. In fact, the awful representation of black people in the movie probably made me cringe more than anything else. In my defense though, there ARE creepy zombie-looking people who reach through walls and stuff, so my childhood fears were not completely unfounded. Still, it's a pretty fun movie and even has Rayanne Graff in it!

I now feel like I have fully confronted two of my four big childhood horror movie fears. All that's left now is Ghoulies and *It!

*It will never happen, that shit is legit terrifying.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Laid To Rest (2009)

Laid To Rest is a straightforward slasher, and who doesn't like that? The bonus is that the characters are a little less cliche and the action is a little less predictable than most slashers. The director is actually much more prolific in his work as a makeup and effects artist, so there are some pretty great gory deaths in there as well. Extra bonus for Sarah Connor Chronicles fans: Sarah AND John Connor!
Oh! This movie also gets points for being the first horror movie I have ever seen where they try to EMAIL the police. This movie will be about 5 times as amazing in 10-20 years.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Wilderness Survival for Girls (2004)

I actually almost turned this movie off near the beginning, because it seemed like it might go in a Cheerleader Ninjas direction (ie incredibly unwatchably bad), but by the end I grew to love it. I think the most unsettling thing about this movie is how real it is. I can absolutely see this situation going exactly this way in real life, which is why there are some scenes that are just uncomfortably awkward. But it's ok! Because real life and weird situations are often uncomfortably awkward! The girls in this movie start out seeming like stereotypes but become more recognizable and real as they go along. The last scene of this movie is probably my favorite, perfectly punctuated by Ruth's line: "We're just girls to them". See it.

YellowBrickRoad (2010)

The premise for this movie is actually pretty original, something that never fails to shock me in modern horror. It does, however, have a significant flaw: the ending. Which I could get over if the whole movie didn't make me so "OMG what's going to happen at the end???" It's like they had all kinds of great ideas for the setup and then were almost finished with the movie and realized they had to have some kind of ending so they just shot something they thought of at the last minute. In fact, I would strongly recommend this movie to writers, as it's an excellent example of how sometimes no ending is preferable to a poor ending.

Also, the weird attempt at a New Hampshire accent is kind of distracting if you're from New England and hate that sort of thing.

Slugs (1988)

Slugs! What can you say about Slugs? It's pretty much exactly what you expect, but in a comforting kind of way. You want to watch a poorly-acted ridiculous '80s monster-type movie? Here you go. Enjoy your afternoon.

NOTE: Apparently there is some uncertainty as to whether this movie was released in 1988 or 1987. I don't really care, so I'm siding with IMDB and saying 1988.